Donegal Man’s Snoring Registers 2.1 On The Richter Scale

A MINOR earthquake recorded in county Donegal last night is thought to have been caused by the vibration of respiratory structures belonging to local man Thomas Dooley, investigators confirmed.

The 2.1 magnitude quake, which struck at 9:18pm last night, was sourced to the house of Mr. Dooley about 15km southeast of Donegal Town, where his wife Sharon Dooley confirmed that it was her husband’s snoring which registered and not an actual earthquake.

“Same thing happened a few weeks ago, hi,” Mrs. Dooley explained, referring to a similar earthquake reported on the 7th of April. “Every time he goes down to play cards, he comes back twisted drunk and ends up sleeping on his back on the floor. He keeps the whole neighbourhood awake, and now this – making front page news – it’s so embarrassing”.

Following some date checking, it is believed Mr. Dooley has been responsible for just about every tremor in the region for the past 20 years, with his wife vowing to bring him to the doctor about it.

“We tried everything, including a snoring ring, special pillows and even sellotaping a football to his fat back so he sleeps on his side, but nothing will stop his nose flaps from vibrating,” his exhausted wife added, “I’m driven demented, hi”.