Northern Ireland’s Politicians Go Back To Ignoring Each Other

THERE WERE applause and a standing ovation at the funeral of murdered journalist Lyra McKee after a priest called upon Northern Ireland’s politicians to end the shameful and longstanding impasse over Stormont.

The sorrow, anger and injustice felt at McKee’s death was palpable and ever present in St Anne’s Cathedral and left Northern Ireland’s leading political figures pining for a time which didn’t require them to share the same space as each other and issue words of cross party unity on issues such as the murder of a journalist by dissident criminals.

“We hear the people of Northern Ireland, we hear their anger at Stormont lying empty for over two years, our selfish attitudes. Now is the time to act to resolve this and serve the people of all communities,” confirmed spokespeople from both the DUP and Sinn Féin before they disappeared into the crowd never to be heard from again.

Despite words of conciliation at Creggan last week and gestures which hinted towards the possibility of taking Stormont out of the shed where its been gathering dust since January 2017, the diaries belonging to Sinn Féin and the DUP had nothing penciled in relation to the business of doing the job they were elected for.

Locals incandescent with rage over the failure of politicians to lead, serve and work for their communities as if it was the year 2019 have confirmed that they hold no hope for Stormont’s return in the near future.

“Sure, they’re talking about unifying and coming together but ye can tell they’re fuming over having to share to same air as each other,” confirmed one community member.

Sinn Féin and the DUP, now driving off in separate cars, at great speed, in opposite directions confirmed they would consider coming together again to issue similar empty statements whenever the next tragedy takes place.