City & Spurs Play Out Drab, Joyless Draw


FOOTBALL fans have begun cancelling their TV sports packages in an act of protest and are refusing to renew their season tickets after Manchester City and Tottenham Hotspur’s Champion’s League tie resulted in a draw over two legs.

Famously derided by non-fans as a boring inconsequential run around a field, the sport of football proved its doubters right as the quarterfinal stage of the Champion’s League drably yawned its way to the final whistle.

“Christ, what a waste of my fucking time,” confirmed one TV viewer, who after a long, hard day at work just wanted some entertainment.

Such was the nature of the 180 minute bore-fest fans were forced to listen to commentators fill the time with boring anecdotes and barely relevant stats as the action on the field, if you could call it that, chugged along like an elderly woman on a zimmerframe stuck knee-deep in newly dried cement.

“A draw? Where’s the drama in that? And these are supposed to be ‘two top clubs’? Come off it, that’s the last time I bother to watch this shite,” confirmed another football fan who invited all his friends round to watch the game but was sorry to waste everyone’s time.

Elsewhere, the evolution of the game via its utilisation of new technologies has been praised by some fans after a VAR replay captured the exact moment Pep Guardiola’s heart shattered into a thousand tiny pieces.