5 Things Not In The Mueller Report


WITH THE long awaited publication of the Mueller Report, is US Attorney General William Barr hiding something from the US public in those redacted passages?

Legal scholars and experts will debate the rationale surrounding Barr’s conclusions on the report ahead of a response from Congress. But for now, we look into the 5 things not included in the Mueller Report, the omission of which seem glaring, conspicuous, sinister and troubling:

1) Something to see here

Barr confirmed there is nothing to see here in the report. This will devastate Trump’s rivals and critics. Trump will however be massively relieved and surprised to read and discover he has nothing to answer for.

2) Something for the perverts

Not so much as a whiff of Trump being urinated on by Russian prostitutes.

3) Obstruction

Claims that Trump impeded and obstructed justice in anyway where not substantiated, according to Barr. Despite Trump’s large, rotund frame American door frames are large enough to allow justice to freely walk passed any US president unhindered, no matter how broad they are.

4) Mexicans

In one of the rare defeats for Trump, the publication of the redacted Mueller Report could provide no evidence of Mexican rapists crossing over the border to cynically collude with CNN to fabricate claims the Trump campaign colluded with Russia.

5) A defence and fair appraisal of the unfairly overlooked Planet of The Apes trilogy

The collection of movies are arguably the finest execution of a cohesive story and thematic resolution across three separate movies since the Lord of the Rings trilogy. However, it will be deeply troubling and keep Americans awake at night to find out that there is no comment on this anywhere in the Mueller Report.