“Surely It’s Someone Else’s Turn Now” Health Minister Asks Taoiseach

IRISH Health Minister Simon Harris has asked Taoiseach Leo Varadkar if he can move on now as he has served the unofficial 2-3 year period that sucessive governments have secretly laid out for politics’ most unwanted role.

Pointing to his watch, Fine Gael’s latest fall guy explained that May is only around the corner, marking 3 years exactly since he was handed the job.

“You barely did two years, why should I have to do three?” Harris put to the Taoiseach, “you’re even a doctor and you couldn’t sort it out, and Dr. James before you who also left after 3 years. Why am I being punished here. I’d rather be minister of housing than this crap, and that’s saying a lot, Leo'”.

Mr. Harris’ request to ‘move on and bring in the next clown’ comes after yet more reports of hospital overcrowding in Limerick on top of mismanaging the aftermath of the Cervical Check crisis and failing to even know about a letter detailing a virtual recruitment freeze in the HSE this week.

“I think I’ve reached my crisis quota and it’s time to pass the buck,” Harris repeated to the Taoiseach, before asking about the government’s end game. “When are we going to sell this problem on to some private firm? The bloody freeloaders are blocking up A&E corridors like cholesterol in an artery and the only way to bypass it is to cut off their blood supply”.

Taking his comments into consideration, the Taoiseach promised his protégé a cabinet reshuffle following the local elections, and if he was a good boy he’d receive a lollipop and stickers for all his hard work.