Merkel Sound Now

GERMAN Chancellor Angela Merkel is reportedly “sound now” after announcing Germany will stand with Ireland “every step of the way” over Brexit, following years of not being sound at all, WWN can confirm.

Merkel, who for many Irish citizens during the recession represented everything that was wrong with the EU, IMF and global banking cartels, said a solution to avoid a hard border in Ireland must be found in the scenario of a no-deal Brexit, which is pretty sound of the 64-year-old, who’s looking well for her age now it has to be pointed out.

“We will simply have to be able to do this, we hope for a solution that we can agree together with Britain,” she said with her mouth, the same mouth which ripped Ireland a new one for requesting a second bailout in 2010.

“Where’s that Enda man gone? I miss his silly face and thumbs up gesturing,” Merkel then asked the Taoiseach, who was wearing traditional Lederhosen in the hopes of humouring Ireland’s German best friend.

“He’s in Mayo enjoying his €126,000 a year pension,” Mr. Varadkar responded, before drifting off into a dreamlike state, envisioning himself rolling in a bed of euros once he retires.

Free therapy sessions will be made available to Irish people struggling to process their complex and conflicting relationship with the German leader.