So Your Fiancé Wants To Keep Her Surname

PLANNING a wedding? Forget flowers, cakes and cocktail sausages, what you need to sort out promptly is whether or not your bride-to-be intends to take your name after you’re married. If she is, then congrats, buddy. We wish you a lifetime of happiness. If not… you may want to consider your options…

1) Call off the wedding

It’s clear that this woman, who only yesterday you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, is not the person you thought she was. Sure, she wants to marry you; but by clinging on to her maiden name, she’s telling the world ‘hey, look at me, I’m not married at all, the cheat factory is open for production, let’s go’. This is basic scientific fact.

Even if they’re opting for a dreaded hyphenated surname, which achieves the same levels of disrespect, with the added bonus of dragging your surname into the mire. You really only have one option here if you want to save your masculinity and your pride, which are the same thing really. Jilt, jilt, jilt!

2) Call that thing off

We’re not kidding. Allowing your woman to retain her surname opens up a world of hassle that you just don’t need. What surname would your kids have, for example? What would your pals say if they found out that you weren’t man enough to control your wife? They’d laugh you out of the Whatsapp group, that’s what they’d do. Call it off!

3) Splits Creek

Don’t keep reading down if you expect us to say anything other than split up. What? You want us to tell you that it’s no big deal, marriage has evolved from back in the day when men claimed complete ownership of women after marriage to the point where prosecuting them for outright crimes became a complicated legal mess? Because it probably hasn’t.

4) Get married, live happily

Live happily as some sort of beta male, soy boy! Ha ha!