Mix Up Sees Thousands Of Paedophiles Arrive At Vatican For Sex Abuse Conference


APOLOGISING profusely for the mix up, the Catholic Church was forced to turn thousands of sheepish paedophiles away from the entrance of the Vatican after they arrived to attend a Vatican sex abuse conference.

“In hindsight, we see why they bought tickets,” Vatican spokesperson Father Gio Padre said while gently chuckling, “if I was a paedophile and I heard the Vatican was hosting a ‘sex abuse conference’ and had invited 190 leaders of religious orders, I’d see why they’d think this was an opportunity to learn, to get a few pointers and the like”.

In fact the conference was convened by Pope Francis in a bid to provide the Vatican with its bi-weekly good PR when it comes to safeguarding children and learning from the mistakes of the past which were made on purpose.

The conference represents just the 408th time the Catholic Church has gathered to promise to ‘get tough’ on abuse before it slinks away again to the shadows to carry on as normal.

“I flew all the way here from the seminary,” one irate paedophile told WWN, “and now I’m being turned away and told there’ll be no Powerpoint presentations on how to be moved to another parish. I want a refund.”

Topics for discussion at the conference included how to talk about helping victims and pledging tough zero tolerance measures against abuse and then doing the opposite.