Postman Paralyzed After Delivering Valentines To Local GAA Star
SURGEONS in Westmeath are battling to save the spine of a Mullingar postman who was crushed under the weight of Valentine’s Day cards on their way to local GAA hotshot Fintan O’Lough.
Postmand Derek Kinghan reportedly suffered a compound fracture of the L1-L5 area of his spine after attempting to lift his postal bag while doing his rounds today.
It is believed that the sheer number of cards and gifts being sent to St. Phelim Gaels corner forward O’Lough caused the postman to literally compress due to their sheer weight, but the county-bound football star has yet to accept any responsibility.
“Look, it’s not my fault that I get so many Valentines cards; I’m just a damn handsome bastard who on average knocks over 2-14 from play every time I step onto a damn pitch,” said O’Lough, spraying himself with his fourth can of Lynx today.
“What I want to know is why wasn’t this postal man prepared for the weight of his bag? He knows I’m on his route, he should have expected that I’d be getting thousands of cards and little bears and things today. Bend with your knees man, you’re heading to the O’Lough house in time for V-Day. Dude should have been doing squats since Christmas in preparation”.