Royals To Recast Meghan Markle


THE Royal Family have dramatically revealed plans to recast the role of Duchess Of Sussex, after the current choice of Meghan Markle tested poorly with audiences.

Although the American actress has spent less than a year in the role of Prince Harry’s wife, she has failed to ‘nail’ the role of an English rose and princess of the people like her deceased mother-in-law Princess Diana, and as such will be swapped out and returned to her normal life in the US.

With the decision made to ‘Pippa’ the duchess,  the search is now on for a younger, whiter actress more in keeping with the ‘keep it in the family’ lineage of the Royal Family, with the casting agency advised to get someone with less ‘behind the scenes baggage’.

“Meghan, look, she seemed like an alright choice at the time, but it really hasn’t worked out,” said The Queen, scanning through potential new duchesses such as actress Rosamund Pike or one of Harry’s cousins.

“Plus all the stuff with her dad and all that drama… it’s not a good look for us Royals, we’re really trying to distance ourselves from all that tabloid nonsense after a trying couple of decades. Now look at Kate, she’s doing it right. She’s a commoner, sure, but at least she’s fallen into line. Meghan, we couldn’t see that happening”.

“And you know how that can turn out” she added, making a steering-wheel motion with her hands while doing a ‘brrrm-crssshhhhh’ noise.