8 Signs You’re Jogging All Wrong

GETTING fit and ramping up the amount of exercise you do is all well and good, but if you’re considering making running or ‘jogging’ as it is referred to by running experts you must first make sure you’re not doing it all wrong.

Some common mistakes, listed below, can result in embarrassment or injury, or worse still an embarrassing injury. So please, take note of any of these points and if you’re guilty of any jogging error immediately adapt your running style.

If various parts of your body begin screaming intensely, pleading with you to stop that’s a sure sign you’re actually doing things correctly. Now for the big ‘no-nos’

1) Singing Queen hit ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ while jogging is 100% a sign you’re not running correctly at all. And it’s bloody dangerous too. Last year 317 joggers suffered injuries after becoming startled by other joggers passing them by just when they’ve gotten to the ‘thunder bolts of lightning, very, very frightening’ section of the song. Foolish and irresponsible behaviour from amateurs!

2) If you find yourself ambulating at speed while on your hands, stop immediately.

3) Quacking like a duck is something personal trainers will encourage you to do, but it’s long since been proven that joggers should instead simply breath in and out. If you’re so unfit that you’re breathing sound like an irate duck giving out to another duck that is entirely different and acceptable.

4) Don’t listen to music while jogging. You are depriving the smug prick who passes you out at speed from showing off how steady and unlaboured their breathing is. No music means you get to here it in all its arrogant ‘look at me glory’.

5) Wearing skis is a jogging no-no. They inhibit easy and steady jogging and yet people up and down the country are regularly seen doing it. The mind boggles.

6) Running on the path is actually illegal, in order to jog properly you must jog on the roads. Drivers in cars beeping aggressively at you are merely showing you encouragement and support. Listen to that honking sound, my, how impressive you are to them.

7) Wear all black and only jog in pitch black conditions on roads with very poor lighting.

8) By placing one foot forward after another, and then repeating this process while increasing to a speed in excess of walking pace but not in excess of sprinting you will then find yourself doing something called ‘jogging’. It’s not as difficult as it sounds but for the love of God please do so in a forward motion. 72 jogging backwards related deaths this month so far is about 33 too many.