Campaigners For Unisex Bathrooms Not Taking Smell Into Consideration


A GROUP opposed to gender neutral public bathroom facilities has stressed that their viewpoint is not based on transphobia or bigotry, but instead on their embarrassment when it comes to cracking whopper dumps in the presence of co-workers or attractive people.

With unisex toilet facilities on the rise, gender-equality activists have faced push-back from transphobic groups that have used scare tactics to protest against the one-for-all bathrooms.

However the Waterford-based protest group ‘Separate Smells’ has stressed that their motivations lie not in hate or fear, but in sheer shame at the state they leave the toilet in, particularly after a heavy night on the drink.

“Imagine you’ve got unisex toilets at work; you drop off a night’s worth of Guinness and kebabs, only to find Siobhan from HR waiting to go after you,” said Padraic Lamberne, spokesperson for the group at a protest march attended by several red-faced men.

“Or if you’ve been eyeing up a lovely looking woman at a restaurant, you nip to the loo because the crab cakes gave you the gas, and when you come out she’s been standing there listening to the whole lot. We’re the most LGBT-friendly group of people you’ve ever met in your life, but please; let us be disgusting smelly bastards with a bit of dignity”.

The group has been informed that any embarrassment could be avoided by taking better care of their diet and personal hygiene, but this solution has been dismissed as pure fantasy.