Foreign Grass Weird


A GROUNDBREAKING study carried out by Irish grassologists based in TCD have confirmed what many casual grass fans have known for years; foreign grass is weird.

The €14 million study, funded in part by the government, saw Ireland’s preeminent grassologists travel across the world to the look and stare at foreign grass before concluding that it is very weird altogether.

“It’s not like Irish grass at all,” confirmed Professor Orna Bollins, as she looked through a magnifying glass at some grass in Spain, “like, it’s mad weird, just look at it,” added Prof Bollins now pointing directly at the offending grass.

The team of scientists reported a similar set of circumstances in France, Netherlands, Portugal, Hong Kong, Japan, Australia and a variety of other countries where the grass is suspiciously not at all like the grass we enjoy here in Ireland.

“While we’ll require further funding to complete our work, there is no denying that foreign grass is just…weird,” concluded Prof Bollins.

Yet more funding may be needed to study the soil beneath the grass after one scientist observed that when walking on foreign grass it felt “mad bouncy” prompting yet more intrigue and confusion.

“Finally, our voices have been heard. We’re being listened to after all these years,” confirmed a spokesperson for Irish Holidaymakers, who have been saying this sort of thing for years.