Nation Agrees 2018 Presidential Election Never Happened Once It’s Over


AFTER enduring yet another pointless and unilluminating presidential debate, this time on RTÉ’s Prime Time programme, the Nation’s electorate has come together, agreeing to put all political leanings to one side and reach a decision to pretend the 2018 Irish Presidential Election never happened once it is over and done with.

Edging ever closer to Friday’s vote, dubbed ‘Oh thank God this is all fucking over’ day, the public can almost taste the sweet appetising future that is a life without a cluster of complete and utter fools being given access to radio, TV, print and online media outlets, left to freely spout whatever unfiltered shite comes into their heads at that very moment.

“The Wikipedia entry will just say Michael D Higgins was reelected unopposed, we don’t need to remind people of what a pathetic shitshow this all was,” confirmed one member of the Irish electorate, Colm Nearney.

The Department of Education has been petitioned to never include this embarrassing chapter in Irish politics into any future history books while the Nation has agreed to take on the memory of an alzheimer’s patient when it comes to the election. Reeling in the Years 2018 will make no mention of three Dragons Den judges making fools of themselves, shaving 5 hours of the run time of the episode.

“Sorry, what election?” one confused member of the public queried when speaking to WWN, clearly practicing for the weeks, months and years ahead.

Such is the one sided nature of the contest, all candidates have congratulated Michael D Higgins in advance of his victory this weekend and have begun crying uncontrollably at the thought of wasting all their money waging this campaign, knowing that failure to secure over 12.5% of the vote would see none of their expenses covered by the taxpayer.

“I’m all for the democratic process but like, Jesus Christ, have you seen this punch of flutes?” added another voter, exercising his lack of freedom to blaspheme ahead of Friday’s referendum, which takes place the same day as the election.