Pretending Not To Know Celebrities To Make Yourself Look Cool, A Guide


THE INTERNET provides people with very few opportunities to offer up opinions or share personal information about themselves.

One exception, seems to be the comment sections below news stories which are centred on some of the most famous, well known and recognisable people on the planet.

Often, it is here where people take a rare chance to let the world know ‘hey, I exist and shall be heard’ and do so by stating just how cool, intelligent and above it all they are.

‘How do they do this?’ you ask. Simple, there is no better way to let people know how cool you are than by expressing complete puzzlement at the existence of the most famous people in the world. Here’s how to guarantee people are left in doubt as to how fucking cool you are.

Step one

Find a story online with an open comment section regarding either Kim Kardashian, Justin Bieber, Serena Williams, Rory McIlroy, Ed Sheeran, Liam Neeson, Meryl Streep, Barack Obama or Margo Robbie and simply state ‘sorry who?’

Holy shit, you’re so cool. It doesn’t matter that you’re actually very aware of the existence of that incredibly famous person.

Step two

Find another article regarding any one of Kanye West, Beyoncé, Adele, Daniel Day Lewis, Ryan Gosling, Salman Rushdie, Oprah, Elvis, Lionel Messi, Angela Merkel or Angelina Jolie and make sure to comment ‘are we supposed to know who this person is’.

Shit, you’ve done it again. Your comment and your effervescent coolness will be the talk of the internet in no time. Everyone will be so impressed that you’ve never heard of this person you have definitely heard of.

Step three

You get the picture: ‘is that what passes for famous these days’, ‘sorry who?’, ‘SORRY WHO???’, ‘Eh, sorry who?’, ‘I’m above all this culture and fame nonsense which is why I am here reaching out into the ether to proclaim I know nothing of this person. Behold, my effortless majesty. I am one of the greats of our age’.