A HECTIC 24 hours for the GAA is finally over after independent assessments have shown that no high-profile, football pitches in the greater Dublin area were affected by yesterday’s sinkhole in County Monaghan, which only caused damage to some local club with an unpronounceable name.
When reports broke about the appearance of a huge crack which took up the entire width of a football field, GAA officials immediately instigated a damage control protocol aimed at assessing if any of their prestigious, revenue-generating Dublin football grounds, were at risk of damage.
GAA scouts around the city confirmed that their clubs were all still in pristine condition, with the sinkhole limited to Magheracloone GFC in County Monaghan, far from where it might do harm to a Dublin player.
“Luckily, no revenue-generating pitches were harmed, just the grounds of a small club which only serve as a focal point for the local community,” sighed a GAA spokesperson, fanning themselves down with a wad of fifty euro notes.
“Sure, the locals will have to find somewhere else to train and play, but they’ll figure something out. They’ve got people for that kind of thing. The GAA itself tends not to get too worried about clubs that aren’t money-spinners.
“Just last year, a camogie pitch in Clare just fell into the fucking sea, and it didn’t affect the All-Ireland Final gate in the slightest. These things happen”.