United Ireland Perfect For The North, Finds Study Definitely Not Made By Republicans

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A NEW study carried out by people who are definitely not affiliated with Irish republicanism in any way has found that Northern Ireland would be ‘one million times better off’ if it was part of a United Ireland.

Despite not being able to take care of its own population, the very carefully carried out study found that the Republic of Ireland would flourish if it took the six Northern Ireland counties under its wing.

“It will be like old times,” explained the head of the report Seamus O’Nílamhain, who was wearing a Celtic jersey, but that doesn’t mean anything apart from supporting a Scottish football club because he likes how good they are and appreciates their style of play.

“Fair enough, it could be expensive, but I’m pretty sure Sinn Féin or whatever government is in charge will handle the finances with extra care and do that bit really well and with the utmost honesty”.

The study also found that 100% of Northern Irish residents who were asked would opt in to be part of the Republic and that they ‘wouldn’t mind breaking away from the UK at’all at’all’ and that everything will be grand.

“Obviously everyone up here is sick of ‘Brexit this, no Northern Ireland government for 500 days that’. We just want to live in harmony without these Orange bastards complaining all the time,” concluded one neutral man who took part in the study.

Tiocfaidh ár lá.

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