Scientists No Closer To Eradicating Bumfluff


SCIENTISTS have apologised to the public for failing to find a way to effectively bring an end to the existence of bumfluff, that strain of pathetic facial hair which men occasionally allow to grow on their faces despite being aware of how ludicrous it looks.

Bumfluff, grown by men incapable of growing proper beards, is sometimes disguised as a thin moustache or small gathering of hair on the chin, but over the years the public have become wise to these tricks, calling for an end to patchy and wiry ‘almost beards’.

“Look we understand teenagers who are just starting out with shaving etc, they can’t help it, but we’re showing no mercy toward adults who just make people uncomfortable with their scraggly, half-hearted fluff,” explained one scientist who recently entered his 15th year of trying to eradicate bumfluff.

Calling a press conference to announce how little they have done to end bumfluff, the scientists bowed their heads in an apologetic manner but were still roundly booed by the media in attendance.

“Sadly, the solution lies with trying to convince bumfluff owners to no longer actively grow out their facial hair, but we know this is notoriously difficult,” added the scientist.

Many bumfluff growers remain in denial over the status of their facial hair, falsely believing it to be full, dark, thick and majestic, so with no cure in sight, the public will have to get used to staring helplessly at the creepy phenomenon.