Local Family Doing Fine As Long As No One Gets Sick, Needs Dentist, Clothes, Air To Breathe


A LOCAL WATERFORD family are sitting in a financially stable sweet spot in which they can continue chugging along, easily able to afford everything they need with a little extra on the side as long as no one gets sick, need the dentist, clothes or air to breathe, WWN can reveal.

Parents Fergus and Maura Kinsella are absolutely raking in the money in their respective jobs, meaning they offer their three kids the best of everything, as long as one of the stupid idiots doesn’t fall over and chip a tooth.

The picture perfect poster family for the government’s version of a healthy and vibrant economy which is perfect for people who get up early in the morning, Fergus only needs a second job on the weekends as a bouncer.

“Yeah, we’ve got our finances in order, the mortgage is ticking along, and we’ve got the youngest all set for her birthday party this week,” explained Kinsella matriarch Maura.

“But, obviously if she gets so much as a hole in one or her socks, we’re fucked,” Maura added, explaining that sometimes, having two well paid jobs in Ireland in a single household sets you up for life.

Experts at saving, the Kinsellas have just returned from a week’s holiday abroad and couldn’t be more relaxed.

“It was great to get away, but obviously in deciding to pay for a holiday we’ve fucked ourselves if one of us gets sick for longer than 14 seconds,” explained Fergus, who has been flying it recently in a job that will drop him like a fly if he has the arrogance to develop a pre-existing medical condition.

Recent studies have shown, not everyone has it as good as the Kinsellas and actually heavily resent families like them, who feel it is their duty to show off how comfortable their lives are.