BREAKING: Ireland To Burst Into Flames Any Minute Now
THE SOARING temperatures occurring as the country descends into a sweaty mess will result in the entirety of Ireland bursting into flames any minute now, weather experts have warned.
The country of Ireland, which comes with instructions to ‘store in a cool, dry place and never putting in direct sunlight’ is perilously close to exceeding the temperatures required to set everything on fire.
“Hot everywhere, make it stop,” said a large portion of the Irish public whose surroundings would soon be a fiery, flame-filled inferno from which we will never escape.
“I don’t know when I begin and the sweat ends,” explained one heat expert who agreed with Irish media outlets who predicted that by the end of the day we would all be on fire, our flesh cooking all the way through.
While much of country has taken to living full time in their freezers, it is believed once Ireland bursts into flames each and every citizen will be called upon to urinate on the flames in a bid to stop the spread of fire. With several water restrictions in place, people are asked to operate a policy of ‘piss on the fire first, only use water if it gets worse’.
In a bid to ease the sense of panic building within the country tabloid newspapers and online publications have taken to driving through the streets with megaphones while shouting ‘say goodbye to your loved ones before we are all flames’.