Government’s ‘Yes’ Honeymoon Lasts 3 Days


THE Government has been asked to return to work following a lengthy honeymoon during which it patted itself on its back for singlehandedly delivering a successful Yes vote in the recent referendum.

“Fuc…fiddlesticks, thought maybe that went away” remarked Minister for Health Simon Harris, as he bore witness to nationwide protests over the Cervical Check scandal, finally realising the political honeymoon he and his colleagues enjoyed was indeed over.

Some government and non-government politicians had hoped the honeymoon could last until after the next election however, the protests are just one reaction to dozens of ongoing problems and scandals the government have to act on, instead of just staging daily victory parades for themselves.

“Bollo…brilliant?” added Taoiseach Leo Varadkar after coming under fire for stating the HSE would not stand in the way of legal action taken by those affected by the scandal, only to see one of the victims, Emma Mhic Mhathúna, go to the High Court where the HSE has not yet admitted full liability in her case.

“Shi… sure we all remember the big Yes vote on Friday don’t we?” chimed Minister for Justice Charlie Flanagan after the newspapers delivered a daily reminder that An Garda Síochána is running on fumes, barely able to carry out the most basic of tasks without relying on overtime.

With multiple issues competing for the outrage and ire of the public, the fact that the government is only now addressing the reality that many Irish children were illegally adopted and often trafficked out of the country by the Church only appears in this story’s sixth paragraph.

“This is brand new information and we intend to act upon it,” Minister for Children Katherine Zappone explained, of the scandal continually reported on in the Irish Examiner for over 8 years and widely known for much longer than that.

“Anyone for another referendum?” the Taoiseach meekly suggested, shortly after Housing Minister Murphy rejigged homeless figures to make them look better than they actually are.