Kilkenny Teen Excommunicated For Playing Football


A LOCAL KILKENNY teen who has openly spat in the face of the rich hurling heritage of his county becomes only the 17th Kilkenny native to be found in possession of a football, playing so-called ‘Dublin games’.

Similar to the former rules prohibiting GAA members from playing foreign sports such as soccer, the Kilkenny county board had kept a rule in place, preventing the playing of Gaelic football with the penalty being banishment from the county.

Thomas McCarthy, a 5th year student, was caught in possession of a football late last week when a neighbour heard a sound which definitely wasn’t a sliotar repeatedly being hit against the wall.

“Shock, I went into shock,” explained neighbour and rat, Cormac Carey, “but no surprise really as I think one of his great-great-grandparents are originally from Dublin”.

McCarthy bid a tearful goodbye to his family as he was marched out of the county into neighbouring Carlow, all his belongings tied up in a blanket which hung from his hurl.

There has been some objections to the punishment meted out by the county board, with locals not afraid to speak out on the matter.

“It’s a disgrace, so let me get this straight; his family, who were obviously in on this football conspiracy just get to stay in the county? You mark my words, blink and future generations won’t even know what a hurl is,” shared local angry person Orna Healy, as she broke down in tears.