Get Fit The Bertie Way & Run Away From Your Past!


LOOKING to get fit, but not sure what the right exercise regime that suits your age and/or level of current fitness? Thanks to a straight talking German TV channel’s interview with former Taoiseach Bertie Ahern we may have the answer.

Filled with delight at the prospect of being allowed spout off endlessly yet again about how thanks to the Good Friday Agreement, his political legacy is flawless and he is only fantastic, Ahern took issue with being asked questions about the findings of the Mahon tribunal and his own stewardship of the Irish economy in the years leading up to the 2008 bank collapse.

With blistering pace Ahern then took his microphone off, exited the interview and ran from his past, burning as many as 2,000 calories in just under one minute. Could this sort of exercise be the key to the future fitness of every ordinary Joe and Mary Soap, who Ahern previously blamed the crash on because the pathetic idiotic public ‘got too many loans out’?

Further attempts to question Ahern this morning at an IIEA hosted discussion on Brexit saw him clock up to speeds of 40 miles an hour using just his feet as he again chose to run from his past, something personal trainers have been amazed by.

“We always preach high intensity work outs, a balanced diet but fuck me did you see how fast that prick ran from his past? I’d like to think this sort of exercise could work from my clients but I fear none of them have as many demons to run from, and none are as willing as Bertie to deny the fact they have a past,” personal trainer Gary Dowans told WWN.

Ahern, who made just one solitary contribution to the Dáil in his final 3 years as a TD despite the country going through its worst crisis since its foundation, is expected to dust off his favourite quip of telling people to commit suicide if they don’t like his new exercise regime.