Trump Makes Congratulations Card For Putin All By Himself


DESPITE pleas from his closest advisors, his family, his friends, his political allies, and the Russian government itself, US president Donald Trump has pressed ahead and constructed a ‘congratulations’ card for Vladimir Putin, who was elected for another term as president at the weekend.

The card, constructed from the back of a cereal box that Trump had a grown up cut for him, was decorated with glue, sparkles, uncooked pasta shapes and a drawing of Trump and Putin shaking hands on what appears to be a golf course, was delivered to the Kremlin earlier today, with reports that Trump texted Putin every five minutes to see ‘did it get there yet’.

Trump had been urged by his closest advisors to not congratulate Putin on his victory in the wake of the ongoing investigation into the poisoning of a former KGB agent on UK soil, but insisted on making a ‘very special’ card for his friend Vlad.

“We’re working right now on getting the marker stains off the desk in the Oval Office, as President Trump refused to just use colouring pencils like he’s supposed to,” said one highly stressed White House aide, who oversaw the nine-hour card construction.

“Even the Russians were saying play it cool Donnie, don’t raise any hassle, don’t rock the boat until after this whole thing in England has been taken care of, let alone the whole Cambridge Analytica thing. But no, he wanted Vladimir to have a picture that he drew himself, of the two of them at Mar-a-Lago golf course, with two women in the corner who appear to be spilling lemonade everywhere”.

Meanwhile Putin’s election opponents have called for a recount, just for the laugh.