Addiction Counsellors Working To Wean Nation’s Women Off Amy Huberman

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THE GROWING problem of Amy Huberman addiction amongst the female population of Ireland has reached epidemic levels, the Irish Association of Addiction Counsellors (IAAC) have revealed.

Addiction to Amy Huberman has been the silent affliction affecting middle class Irish women for years, but recent years has seen it spread to all demographics with almost 100% of women confirming she ‘can do no wrong’ before refusing to expand on the point to the extent that it actually attains meaning.

“I’ve had on average about 30 to 40 women presenting themselves at my practice each day seeking help with their Huberman addiction,” explained counselor Maura Moran, who fears things will get worse before they get better.

“You know it’s particularly bad when a woman has never actually watched anything Amy Huberman has acted in, but will squeal or let out a loud audible envious sigh when shown a picture of the actress’s latest Instagram post,” Moran added.

The IAAC clarified in a lengthy document made available at a media briefing today that Amy Huberman addiction works in much the same way as other substance abuse problems.

“The addict will stop at nothing to get their latest fix, often they will renege on responsibilities such as work, care of children or relationships preferencing gaining that sweet, sweet hit that only a picture of or news relating to Amy Huberman can provide,” a section of the document read.

Those willing to seek help should emerge Amy Huberman addiction free within 6-weeks following an intensive cold turkey programme, however, for those unable to admit they have a problem the road ahead remains tough.

“Those in denial are the toughest to deal with. We show them a necklace and they don’t care for it, but once she mentioned it’s part of Amy’s Newbridge collection they produce a knife and confirm they are willing to fight you for it. 100% of the time you drop the words ‘Amy Huberman’ into conversation with an individual even if you were talking about something completely unrelated their focus shifts and they immediately respond ‘oh my God. Oh. My. God. She’s perfect, like flawless’ in a breathless delivery that suggests they may run out of breath at any moment. It breaks my heart to see how they can’t see it, their addiction” concluded Moran.

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