Civil Servant Can’t Remember The Last Time He Did A Real Day’s Work


ASKED by a team of researchers conducting a work productivity survey ‘when was the last time you did a decent day’s work?’ one civil servant was left scratching his head and admitting to having no knowledge of any such alleged incident, WWN can confirm.

Trevor Dowding, placed in a quiet corner of the Department of Finance since 1991 where his superiors are fairly certain he can do no damage, was posed the question earlier this morning and has been left searching his memory ever since.

“No, you’d think alright with 2008 and what hit then and everything that followed that I’d have had to up my game, but surprisingly enough I still can’t remember the last time I broke a sweat in this place,” Dowding said with a chuckle and a content shrug of the shoulders.

While the vast majority of the civil service is engaged in hard and meaningful work despite the presence of a government, Dowding is believed to be part of the small majority of personnel who have breezed through a career of doing a whole heap of nothing.

“Wait, wait, wait, the wife had me book a holiday to France there last year on the computer when I was in work, does non-work stuff count? I had to tick the carry on luggage box and everything,” Dowding asked, genuinely curious if 5 minutes on Ryanair’s website was the sort of thing researchers were looking for.

Dowding, helpful to a fault, then began searching through previous emails before highlighting a Monday in March of 2006 when he sent as many as 6 emails.

“Christ, I said I hit the hay pretty early that evening, not sure what sort of shit hit the fan that day,” Dowding, remarked, cursing himself for not being able to recall internal emails to colleagues in which he tried to identify the person who took the last of the communal Jaffa cakes in the canteen.