Woman Delighted January Over Has Forgotten February Sucks Too


WATERFORD woman Goretta Haplan has taken to her social media channels to bid January a less than fond farewell, seemingly oblivious to the fact that her February isn’t shaking up to be all that great either.

Like many people, 27-year-old found 2018’s inaugural month to be dark, dreary, long and fraught with momentary tension throughout, such issues that were addressed by Haplan in a Facebook post this morning which consisted of an illustration of a Victorian lady with the caption ‘thank fuck January is over’.

However, it appears that Ms. Haplan has failed to take into consideration that February, which traditionally follows January, is equally cold, damp and miserable, and that her finances have yet to recover from Christmas and may not do so until well into the middle of summer.

“Now if I could direct you to the portion of Ms. Haplan’s Instagram post on the matter, where she states that she’s going out tonight to ‘celebrate the end of January in style’, we can see the seeds of a dreadful February already,” said social media expert Dr. Tanahashe O’Neill.

“Ms. Haplan proposes that she will turn back to alcohol and fast food after ‘being good all January’, which as you can tell from her posts from 2017, is where she ran up the debt that is currently crippling her. Also, the long-range weather forecast for February shows 100% precipitation for the month, and the clocks don’t go forward until March, so the nights will be still more or less as long and dark as they were in January”.

“Overall, her statement that ‘everything looks great now that January is over’ is short-sighted at best, if not an outright delusion”.