Family’s Butter Ruined By Presence Of Yesterday’s Toast


A WATERFORD based family are said to be ‘devastated’ and ‘severely troubled’ by the discovery of a communal slab of butter which has been desecrated by the presence of crumbly bits of yesterday’s toast.

While no one has come forward to confess to the crime of spreading butter on their toast in a caveman like fashion, resulting in scrapings of toast being transferred onto the slab of Tesco value butter via a knife, family matriarch Yvonne Kilmangan says an investigation is underway.

“It’s always a madhouse here in the mornings, especially the kitchen,” explained Yvonne, mother to three of the chief suspects, wife to another suspect.

“I’ve said it a thousand times now, them absolutely lump the fecking butter on and scrap away at the toast like animals I’ll brain whoever did it,” Yvonne added.

The presence of other foodstuffs on a block of butter shared by an entire family can prove problematic for many, with the thought that their own food could compromised if the tarnished section of the butter was to make its way onto their own meal proving to horrible a contemplation.

“I dry retch every time I think about it,” confirmed 14-year-old Rebecca Kilmangan, one of the suspected culprits.

With the identity of the perpetrator of this heinous act still a mystery, Yvonne is scheduled to carry out a controlled cutting off the effected section of the butter before delicately placing it in the bin, before remarking ‘that’s a waste of bloody good butter’.