Best Communion Bread In Ireland: A Church By Church Review


THE search for Ireland’s best communion bread continues, with WWN’s first installment for 2018 of this wildly popular series taking in the Nation’s capital, Dublin.

If you are not one of the 17 million people who have already read this series, you may not know that so far we’ve reviewed over 243 churches, and judged their communion bread on texture, design, taste and overall holiness.

A rating out of 5 stars is delivered, with 0 stars being ‘a piss poor excuse for the Body of Christ’, with 5 stars being ‘yes, I can really taste Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ in this one’.

This week is the turn of Dublin suburb Dundrum and its recently refurbished church.

The newfangled facade is much admired, and is only a stone’s throw away from Ireland’s leading Cathedral of Capitalism, Dundrum Town Centre.

However, we’re not here to judge architecture or the sort of sinful shopping that will help secure your place in Hell. No, we’re just here for the bread.

A kindly priest said mass and broke the bread to a decent crowd of parishioners, which bodes well for the overall quality of the Eucharist.

We genuflect the living daylights out of the alter, as we do during every review, and all that’s left to do draw out our tongue and have a priest lash a bit Body on it.

Texture: not dry enough. Sad to say we didn’t even cough a little when placing the communion bread back in mouth. And there was little desire to reach for water to reinvigorate a palette starved of saliva.

Design: nice to see some innovation here, the bread had an embossed scene of Jesus admonishing a women for wearing an above the ankle skirt. The detail was impressive, Jesus’s frown was very expressive.

Taste: just the right side of bland with a hint of a metallic-like taste which gave us plenty to think about while we were knelt down pretending to pray. Just what you want from a communion bread.

Overall Holiness: ah yeah, it was Holy bread alright.

Final score: 3 out of 5 stars. Not a bad result as it places Dundrum Church’s communion bread in the top 50. A result they can be proud of, but room for improvement.

Next week we stay in the capital and sample the communion bread from a pop-up Church in Smithfield which is handed out from the back a hi-ace van.

EDITOR’S NOTE: WWN formally apologises to the church we reviewed last week and ascribed a -4 star review, citing rude staff and an outright refusal by clergy to put bread to our tongues. We now realise after some additional research that the Clonskeagh Mosque is in fact a mosque and not a church. Lesson learned.