Staring Out The Window Forlornly & Not Getting Sad, A Guide


SPOTTED a window and had the fairly reasonable thought that maybe there’s a lovely and/or interesting view awaiting you? However, are you also prone to losing yourself in the romantic notion of contemplating your life and every minor thing that has gone wrong or you regret doing as if you’re the star of your own music video?

WWN is on hand to help you to absolutely nail looking forlornly out the window without falling straight into a sad vortex of pity and shame. A view of the countryside, a busy city street or a quiet housing estate need not be a reason why you think about how your life has gone wrong and it’s the only one you have and Christ, what if you’re fucking it up? Shit, okay bad start but we promise we can help navigate this.

Find a window

Okay, eh, well duh, obviously! Now gaze outwards. Keep your hands by your side or fold your arms, you could even use them to help you lean against the window ledge, what are we the window police? Do what you like. Now, the real work starts:

Whatever you do don’t think about that time you bumped into your old school friend last week and acted all flustered

That glum look which you’re using to look out the window with, that’ll veer into the ‘sad’ if you start thinking thoughts. You want to look like a deep and contemplative soul without actually having to put yourself through having deep and contemplative thoughts, because, boy, can they ruin your day.

God, don’t fixate on how you made eye contact, but even though you made eye contact, you pretended like that didn’t happen and then you looked away

This isn’t helpful, don’t think ‘what is wrong with me? That was the most basic of social interactions and I fucked it up. I’m going to die alone amn’t I?’ We want to straddle that fence of having a bit of a think while looking forlornly out the window, but we don’t want it to be one of those ‘big thinks’, shrink that big think down to more of moderately sized musing.

No, no! Don’t think about your ex

Yes, obviously it was all your fault, but just try looking out the window without getting a big existential think on.

Ok, fine, enjoy your descent into a festering forlorn-a-thon, don’t say we didn’t try to help

Honestly, why would you dedicate a 15-minute day dream to what their non-existent new partner looks like, works at and is better than you at? We’re starting to think you weren’t ready for this window staring business at all at all.

Ok, we’ll try this again tomorrow.