Milk Nicer Out Of Cups, Insist Culchies


THE National Culchie Association of Ireland (NCAI) has published its annual report into things it likes, with milk tasting better in cups being their number one favourite.

Speaking at Dublin castle today, and for no apparent reason, chairman Paddy Cooney listed off an array of different things that rural Irish people voted for in 2017, including Tayto crisp and brown sauce sandwiches, buttered digestives, biting the caramel top off of Mars bars before eating the nugget base, red-led blaa’s, Nathan Carter and comedian Neil Delamere.

“We are proud to announce that the majority of culchies prefer to drink milk out of cups, as opposed to glasses,” Mr. Cooney addressed the emotional audience, many of whom travelled vast distances to attend the AGM today.

Following a lengthy standing ovation and several ‘hip, hip, hoorays’, stewards at the venue distributed cups of milk to everyone before a toast was raised by the chairman.

“For years, rural men and women have been lambasted for opting for a mug of milk, but no more shall we hide, no more shall we hang our heads in shame to the city folk. For we, are united as one!” Cooney toasted, now wiping a tear from his cheek and milk mustache from his nicotine stained upper lip.

Today’s announcement is set to change the way city restaurants deal with strange culchie menu requests.

“We’ve even started to stock pigs feet, or trotters as the boggers call them,” one Camden Street establishment told WWN, “despite having different tastes, I suppose they’re people too and as a food business we need to address their needs”.

The restaurant has already included a cup of milk option on their lunch and evening menu.

“It’s priced at €3:99, but it’s organic and unpasteurized, just how culchies like it”.