Stick Black Friday Up Your Hole, Retailers Told


IRISH RETAILERS have politely been told by the bargain hunting portion of the population to stick Black Friday, an American retail sales event, up their holes, WWN can confirm.

Despite outrageously good offers to be had in stores, such as that kettle that was €60 now reduced to €59.99, the Irish public has confirmed once again that retailers have been warned not to make the post-Thanksgiving Day sale event ‘a thing’.

“Yeah, no!” confirmed several shoppers who confessed to finding shopping in the run up to Christmas soul destroying enough without having sales and giveaways that are barely sales and giveaways thrown in ‘willy nilly’.

“See here’s you lot there, and now there’s Black Friday and what you can do is, is slide it right up there,” shared shoppers while pointing to a chart marked ‘your hole’.

Retailers, however, have countered with a press release full of words that when put in a certain order, make no sense whatsoever.

“God, Ireland loves, loves, loves, Black Friday. Bargains, offers, no rip offs we swear, they can’t get enough of it, they love it,” retailers of Ireland remarked the day before Black Friday, which will see people refuse to queue for shite stuff they don’t want or need.