Local Man Owes Everyone Money

A WATERFORD city man owes every one of his friends, family members, and unsuspecting members of the local public, money, along with a long list of financial institutions, mobile phone providers, local shops, drug dealers, bars and restaurants, WWN can confirm.

James Crook, (36), who somehow manages to never have money despite holding down a full-time job, was unavailable for comment today as his phone was going straight to messenger, with a recorded message pointing out that the voicemail was full and to try again later.

“Yup, that’s our Jimbo alright – always has the phone off on payday,” explained long-time friend Ger Clancy, who admitted to not knowing exactly why he was still friends with Crook as he owes him €500 for the past four years, “if you do manage to catch him, will you tell him to give me a shout straight away… oh! and Martin, Tracey, Tom, Karl, Colm too, actually… just forget about it; you’ll have a better chance of catching ebola”.

“That cunt is probably in a pub somewhere spending his wages before anyone can ask him for their money back,” he added.

In a bid to track down Crook, WWN visited several local bars in the area of his home, many with owners also asking for the elusive grandson of four to ‘give them a shout’.

“Fucker has a tab here since 2007,” one publican explained, “every time I see him, he says that he’s waiting ‘on a claim to come through’, or that there was a ‘mix up at the bank and he didn’t get paid’ – you can always tell when the little bollox is lying”.

Sources on the ground later confirmed that Crook was spotted outside a city centre chipper, asking people for a lend of five euros for a kebab tray, before pulling out his iPhone 8 and ordering a taxi home.

More as we get it.