An Post Launch New Speedy Raven Service


AFTER being impressed by the speed and efficiency of the Westeros raven delivery system as displayed in this week’s episode of Game of Thrones, An Post chiefs have ordered thousands of crows and jackdaws for branches across the country in a move aimed at speeding up delivery times and reducing overtime for postal workers.

Although ravens have been used in Westeros throughout the previous six seasons of the hit HBO show, the birds used in season seven have seemingly been fitted with jet engines, allowing them to criss-cross around the continent almost instantaneously, bringing messages, declarations of war, and cries for help to allies in the space of seconds.

An Post has decided to get on board the raven delivery train, and will begin using their new winged postmen to deliver small items such as postcards, fliers for Sky, and McDonalds vouchers from September on.

“Yeah, you couldn’t expect a raven to carry a hair dryer you ordered on Amazon, but they could carry your car tax,” said a spokesperson for An Post, covered in birdshit.

“If it works in the Game Of Thrones, it can work here. I mean, did you see how fast those birds got from Castle Black to Dragonstone? It’s way faster than the service used to be, when it took three episodes to get something from point A to point B. Everything happens immediately now, the ravens in Westeros are faster than the broadband in Carlow”.

The season finale of Game Of Thrones will be aired next week, and is expected to cover nine years of Westeros history in about twelve minutes.