“You Know, I Used To Be Taoiseach” Inebriated Enda Kenny Tells Barman


PROPPING up the bar at an early house in his native Castlebar, local man Enda Kenny has begun wearing the ear off barman Michael Kelly for the 4th morning in a row, telling fanciful tales of how he used to be leader of Ireland, WWN can reveal.

Kelly, polishing pints glasses has been subjected to far fetched tells to new regular of his bar, Kenny, who was now alarmingly on his fourth rock shandy, and first pint of the morning.

“He talks some shite, but I’m in this game a long time: you just smile and nod no matter what they’re bullshitting on about,” Kelly explained, “they’re usually happy with the odd ‘you don’t say’ or ‘jaysus, that’s fierce interesting’, but with this Enda chap, he’s an awful spoofer”.

Kenny, just looking for someone to talk to, now that he has some free time on his hands, stared directly down his empty pint glass before grinding his teeth in frustration.

“None of you lot show me any respect, you know, if my best friend Barack was here, then you’d all shut up and listen to me, wouldn’t you,” Kenny said, regaling the other two customers with barely believable tales of sharing tea in the White House with the then leader of the free world.

“He’s a lot broader in person, like, I’d say he works out y’know. Micheal! I said my best friend Barack looks like he works out, you going deaf or something?” Kenny added while banging his pint glass on the counter, before storming off to the jukebox in search of Frank Sinatra’s ‘My Way’.