“The Power Of Christ Compels You” Screams The Pope After Tackling Trump To The Ground
REPORTS emanating from the Vatican this morning contrast greatly with the official accounts of US President Donald Trump’s first meeting with Pope Francis, WWN can confirm.
The first meeting between the two leaders had been much anticipated after the Pope decried the toxic messages Trump shared on his presidential campaign, solidified by Republican budget proposals unveiled yesterday which target cuts for the most vulnerable in America.
According to official White House accounts, Trump fresh from creating peace in the Middle East, had a constructive conversation with the leader of the Catholic faith. However, other eye-witnesses tell a different story.
“As soon as Franny clocked eyes on him, he tackled him to the ground and starting pouring holy water on Trump’s face and screaming ‘the power of Christ compels you’ over and over again,” shared one Vatican source.
“But I think with all that liquid cascading down onto his face, Trump’s muscle memory kicked in and he started getting aroused. So it all got a bit weird,” added the source.
While the Pope’s attempts to exorcise the US president seemed to fail, the pair managed to find some common ground when discussing the vast wealth accumulated by the Vatican and how both men share an indifference towards sexual assault victims.
Trump has gone on record many times to express how faith plays a huge part in his life. “I love Jesus, he’s the best, ask anyone, they’re all saying it, he’s the best,” confirmed Trump.
The President’s latest comments sit in stark contrast to previous criticism of Jesus, with Trump describing Jesus as a terrible negotiator citing the ‘bad trade deal’ he made which saw Jesus die as a sacrifice for the sins of humanity.