Gardaí Arrest Gorse Fire

GARDAÍ have launched what promises to be a ‘swift and effective’ campaign against gorse fires, following a number of devastating infernos across the country in recent weeks.

With blazes in Howth and Sligo causing widespread damage to the localities over the last week, Garda commissioner Noirín O’Sullivan gave the green-light to her staff to stamp out gorse fires by any means necessary, leading to the arrest of a number of burning fields.

The project aims to capture and convict as many of these fires as possible over the course of the summer, which will in turn act as a deterrent to further blazes moving forward.

Spearheaded by a specially commissioned anti-gorse fire unit, the incentive is to cost the taxpayer millions; something that a spokesperson for the Gardaí says is 100% justified in the ongoing fight against the problem.

“Drugs, guns, prostitution, speeding; we’ve solved all these problems by throwing money at them,” said Sgt. Kevin Greenan.

“These tactics just work; a hard-hitting swoop with some high profile arrests, convictions for lower-tier players in the overall scheme of things, and then all the trouble goes away. That’s how we cleaned up the streets from drug-lords and the like, and that’s how we’ll ensure our countryside remains free of gorse fires for the rest of time. Get our men out there, arrest a few bushes, increase our presence in the hillside… sorted”.

Greenan went on to claim the scheme was already proving successful, with a gorse haul worth €1bn found in the early hours of this morning.