Divilment At All Time High


FANS of the quiet life, beware; new statistics have shown a sharp rise in the amount of divilment floating around lately, with hoorality at an 8-year high.

Thousands of Irish people freely admitted getting up to some form of divilment or other during any given calendar week, with the majority of the high-jinks taking place at weekends, leaving the week free for planning further divilment.

The new statistics hint at a new generation of divilment implementers growing in the Irish community, following the mass-exodus of rapscallions, rascals, pups and currs to Australia and Canada following the economic crash of 2008.

With fresh money flowing into the economy following an upswing in employment, divilment-seekers have regained the means to get up to all sorts, according to the Central Statistics Office.

“We had a good few quiet years there with almost no hoorality at all,” said Ian Kennedy, spokesperson for the CSO.

“But now we’ve got widespread japery, hunker-sliding and acting the jinnet happening across the country. These young ones these days are almost as headstrong and careless as the crowd we had back 10 years ago, and some may argue that the boom in technology and social media over the last decade have made this shower even worse than before. There’s no talking to them at all’.

Fears are now growing that the divilment epidemic may be out of control, with several blaggards losing the run of themselves altogether.