Iggy Pop Turns 70, Somehow
SCIENTISTS and medical practitioners around the world are today expressing bafflement and confusion at the news that hard-living rock legend Iggy Pop has somehow reached the age of 70.
Pop, born Ignert Poppertin on April 21st 1947, has been in the public eye since his breakthrough as frontman for legendary hellraisers The Stooges followed by a solo career that has spanned over 50 years.
In that time, Pop made a name for himself as one of the most raucous rockers on the planet, with tale after tale of drugs, debauchery, live self-mutilation and carnage following him everywhere he went.
The originator of the stage-dive, Pop was never expected to make it out of the 70s as scores of his peers died left and right, succumbing to drug overdoses and the excesses of a rock and roll lifestyle.
As such, rock historians are today paying out huge sums of money to each other after Iggy managed to somehow make it to 70 years of age, although some are holding out for a ‘steward’s inquiry’ into the unlikely birthday.
“I’m going to need some proof that Iggy is in fact actually alive, and that what we’re seeing isn’t just 50 years of chemicals propping up an old corpse,” said one man, who stands to lose 5 grand based on a bet to a friend that Iggy Pop would never see 40, let alone 70.
“Because frankly, if Iggy Pop can spend half a century riding every hole he falls across, hoovering up drugs like they’re about to be taxed and going for months without sleep and still make it to 70, then fuck it, I’m never drinking an Actimel ever again”.
UPDATE: Iggy Pop has stated that he is in fact very much still alive, adding that people could ‘try and kill him, if they think it will make a difference’.