3 Issues Fianna Fáil Could Pretend To Care About Next

NOW that Fianna Fáil has abandoned its temporary fixation on water charges which came about as a result of needing to appear as if they shared the concerns of normal people, the republican party is said to be working non stop to find yet another issue to pretend to care about.

With that in mind, WWN has outlined three issues the Micheál Martin led party could choose to care about in a cynical effort to amass more potential support in time for the next general election, whenever that will be.

1) Housing & homelessness

This would require some serious manoeuvring in the background as Fianna Fáil will have to assure developers and property speculators that when they speak out against a housing problem and homelessness crisis, they’re just showing off and won’t actually do anything about it if and when they regain power.

We rate this option 3 out of 5 on the ‘Bertie doesn’t know why people talking down the economy don’t commit suicide’ scale.

2) Repeal the 8th

The crown jewel of disingenuous political sentiment among politicians. Just think of the support Fianna Fáil could muster if it was to suddenly pretend this is something they fundamentally care about. Young voters, men and women desperate to see the laws surrounding abortion reformed would be reluctantly forced into contemplating voting for a party they have no time for due to the fact they know who and what Fianna Fáil are.

With the right amount of airbrushing history, Fianna Fáil can flat out pretend they believe it is time for a change in attitude to health care issues. The added bonus of several staunch pro-life FF politicians pretending to have had a profound change of heart could secure a large number of votes.

We rate this option 2 out of 5 on the ‘Bertie doesn’t know why people talking down the economy don’t commit suicide’ scale.

3) Ah jaysus, the state of the Guards

Embroiled in more scandals than you can pepper spray at an Irish Water protest, Fianna Fáil could steal the mantle of the party of ‘law and order’ from Fine Gael with round the clock pronouncements on how they would overhaul and revolutionise An Garda Síochána.

And in an act of political genius, once in power, Fianna Fáil could simply increase Garda pay and ignore the lack of investment in training and equipment. It’s a radical move which would only bear fruit if they were elected, but remember guards have husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers and children and they could all potentially vote Fianna Fáil in the following election.

We rate this option 5 out of 5 on the ‘Bertie doesn’t know why people talking down the economy don’t commit suicide’ scale.