Government Somehow Still Under Impression Public Will Pay For Water


THE Irish public have come forward today to express their collective bemusement at the government’s persistence in pursuing payment for water services, following four solid years of being told to ‘go fuck itself’.

TDs from both sides of the house continue to argue over which is the best way to implement water charges, whether from implementing a new tax, raising existing taxes, relaunching the crippled Irish Water, or just going to people’s houses and nicking money from under the mattress.

With the debate generally revolving around how best to collect money from the public for water rather than accepting the severe arse-kicking doled out by thousands of protestors at several marches and demonstrations over the four year battle against water charges, the government has brought stares of disbelief upon themselves from both pro and anti-water charges groups alike.

“Look, I paid my water charges, even though I knew it was bullshit, and I wasn’t sorry to see the charge scrapped… but this is just idiocy,” said one Waterford man we spoke to.

“Lads, fuck sake, just let it go. Move on. Quit acting like there isn’t other shit in the country that needs to be worked on. Take the time you lot are investing into finding the best way of imposing a charge that nobody is going to pay, and put that time and energy into doing anything, literally anything else. Save yourself a lot of embarrassment, and move along”.

Meanwhile, the government has spent 1.6 billion euro on finding a way of calling the water charge anything other than a water charge, with ‘Uisce Maith’ currently testing well in focus groups.