Yelling At Women On The Street: A Guide


IF you’re a man who has ever encountered a pretty woman walking down the street, you may have felt a curious sensation wash over yourself; a mix of desire and anxiety that you’re not sure how to deal with.

You’re attracted to this lady, certainly, but you know in your heart that you lack the wordsmanship needed to transform you from ‘random man on the street’ into her sexual partner. What’s a boy to do?

Well, there’s one thing you can do; yell suggestive and sexually threatening phrases at her. Not sure how? Follow these steps:

1) Dismiss any sense of impropriety

You may feel like you can’t yell at a woman because you’re both in public, or because it’s the middle of the day, or because she’s got her small children with her. Stop overthinking things! Men yell at women whenever they feel like it. Nobody is going to judge you for it. If you see a pretty lady, start a’yelling. The only person that might get upset is the lady herself, and nobody really cares about her.

2) Freestyle

Don’t try and plan what you’re going to say. After all, who knows what type of woman you’ll be yelling at from one end of the day to the next. Blonde? Brunette? Skinny? Hefty? Wearing a skirt, or trousers? It’s impossible to be prepared, so just freestyle your yells as and when you need to. Let the words just roll off your tongue, whatever you think of. Think you might be a bit too vulgar? See instruction number 1. You’re grand. Say whatever you like!

3) Never tell the truth

This is an important one. Whatever you yell must be mostly lies and nonsense. Never tell the truth. If you start your yelling with ‘C’mere, d’you know what I’d do to you?’, then you can never end that sentence in a truthful manner. ‘C’mere, d’you know what I’d do to you? I’d leave you lying in the bed unsatisfied ‘cus my penis hasn’t been 100% hard in years due to my crippling insecurity and alcohol dependency problems, which I compensate for by being sexually aggressive to women in front of my mates so they’ll think I’m some sort of fucking big lady’s man instead of a practically impotent shit-for-brains who has never made a woman come in my life’. See, that kind of thing just ain’t going to do you any favours. Make something up. Tell her you’ve a massive penis.