5 Fears Only An Irish Person Who Has Won €88mn In The EuroMillions Can Relate To


IF you are an Irish person who just won €88 million in the EuroMillions lottery jackpot, then you are going to absolutely love our following article outlining five fears you may have. Class.

Did I leave the immersion on?

You find out that you’ve won €88 million in the EuroMillions draw and realise you have to travel all the way to Dublin to collect it. Then, halfway up, you fail to recall if you turned off the immersion after having a bath. Every time! Right? Just what the hell is wrong with you that you keep doing this? It’s so stereotypical Irish. Jaynie Mac! Your electricity bill is going to be insane!

What if a kickstarter campaign launches to revive ‘Glenroe’, leaving me no other option but to donate a large portion of my winnings to its production costs

This would be so like you to win €88 million in the EuroMillions draw, just as a Glenroe kickstarter campaign launches. Guaranteed to happen at least 8 times out of 10. Sure, Mary McEvoy would gladly play the role as Biddy for old time’s sakes, and for very little money, but what if you just invested 60 mill on some decent actors, like Jodie Foster, or Meryl Streep. Not putting Mary’s acting skills down or anything, but it would be kind of expected of you to fork out at least half your winnings on something so important to your country.

Choking on a Tayto sandwich with brown sauce

What person who just won €88 million in the EuroMillions draw does not fear choking on a Tayto sandwich with brown sauce? You wouldn’t be Irish if this wasn’t one of the first fears that popped into your gaelic mind. Fear not, since records began there have been no recorded Tayto sandwich deaths among EuroMillions winners… as of yet. But we would advise people to avoid eating such a thing so quickly after winning such a vast sum of money, and to always carry around a bottle of flat 7 up, just in case.

Falling head over heels in love with Marty Whelan to such a degree that he has to apply to the High Court for a restraining order

Obviously Marty Whelan presents Winning Streak, but what if he was in checking his rota in the National Lottery headquarters while you were collecting your winnings and you fall madly in love with him, starting a 3 year long infatuation that ends up being a high profile stalking case in the local and national media, leaving you broke and broken hearted? Well, we actually have no solution to fighting this fear, as unloving such a beautiful soul is almost impossible. You’re on your own with this one.

Getting notions and sitting up front at mass with all the other rich people in the parish

Begorra, there’s no getting out of this one now that you’ve just won €88 million in the EuroMillions. Notions have been long synonymous with acquiring vast amounts of money in Ireland, whether it be borrowed money or hard earned, notions will become one of your biggest fears now that you’re wealthy. Best tell everyone that you’re going to donate half your winnings to charity and that you’re going to stay working in your job as a bus driver. Remain as humble as you can, but unfortunately, kiss goodbye to your position at the end of the church, as people will want to keep an eye on your notions every Sunday.