World Fears Release Of Trump Sex Tape More Than They Fear Nuclear War

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“THE reassuring thing about a nuclear blast is the fact that you’re almost certain to be killed in the initial blast; you don’t have to live with the never-ending daily horror of what has just happened, like you would have to do if you watched a sex tape of Donald Trump”.

With that statement Carlton Morrison, world-renowned expert on Doomsday scenarios, confirmed what the world already knew; the release of videos showing president-elect Donald Trump engaged in lewd acts with Russian prostitutes poses a greater threat to humankind than the launching of nuclear missiles.

Rumours about Trump’s sex tapes have been rife following recent reports that Russia have ‘compromising footage’ of the Republican, leading to many people calling for the scorching death of every man, woman and child on the planet before any such tape gets released.

“The results of seeing Trump in a room with some prostitutes getting up to Christ knows what… that would be worse than a slow death from fallout poisoning,” said Morrison, speaking at an assembly aimed at making sure the alleged Trump tape never leaks onto the internet.

“Can you imagine what seeing something like that would do to your brain? You’d have people flinging themselves under buses, parents eating their children, the breakdown of society as we know it… no, give us the bombs. Give us the bombs, quick”.

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