First Year Journalism Students Told Profession Won’t Be There Come Graduation


“HAVE any of you given any thought to things that would go nicely in lists? Do you make lists of things? You should maybe start. Or have you thought about how emojis are gas? Are any of you familiar with banter?”

The parting words of one university lecturer who had to break the news to students in their first year of a four year journalism course that come 2020, the industry they hoped to be employed in will no longer exist.

“I couldn’t go on lying to their little faces,” admitted lecturer Eoin Quinlan when he spoke to WWN earlier today, “sure there will be ‘news’ and I suppose that means people will be reporting on it, but there won’t be an arse for anything to fall out of by the time they graduate”.

For some students who had confessed to a hope that they may become journalists, news that the slowly decaying industry will have rotted away completely couldn’t have come at a better time.

“Well, that’s swayed me on dropping out completely,” shared student Aoife Galley, “I’ve just been offered a 12-month unpaid internship picking out funny gifs for a website, things are really picking up for me actually”.

With revenues for leading news publications shrinking and resources being cut back, Quinlan had some frank advice for his students.

“Get used to disregarding any remaining ethics or principles you have, where we’re all headed, you won’t have any use for them”.