Local Man’s Diet Does Not Count Between 1am-4am

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ONE Waterford man has admitted his current attempt to lose weight and get in shape has been hampered by his stipulation that he can still eat whatever he wants between the hours of 1am and 4am on Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays, Sundays and bank holiday Mondays.

Kenneth Hanlon, 35, has been trying to get in better shape in a bid to not die in his sixties for the past 5 months, and has seen only marginal success in that time.

Despite keeping a fairly close eye on his calorie intake and exercising as much as he can, Ballinamona native Hanlon admits that eating kebab and chips after a feed of pints three nights a week may be hampering his goals.

Coupled with this, other rules such as ‘if you didn’t buy it, it has no calories’ and ‘if you deserve it, it doesn’t count’ may be clues as to why the father of 2 has lost just 3lbs in 20 weeks.

“If you’re at an event and there’s finger food, then that is calorie free… right?” said Hanlon, weeping on the scales.

“And if you had to stand waiting in a chip shop for 20 minutes, then your chips don’t count… one cancels the other out, surely? If I eat salad for four days, then surely I can eat burgers for three? This is very confusing to me”.

Hanlon was also heartbroken to learn that cheese is not a fruit and does not count towards your five-a-day, and that a big tub of coleslaw is not technically a salad.

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