America Good, Russia Bad

IN a bid to clear up the factual quagmire that is the Middle East, WWN has sought the expert opinion of those on the frontline of sensationalist headlines in newspapers to bring the simple black and white truth to you, our dear readers.

“America good, Russia bad,” explained features editor of the Daily Mail Malcolm Bechmann.

“America sometimes maybe bad, but Russia badder,” Bechmann said, elaborating further.

The need for a real understanding of what is going on in the increasingly complex conflict in Syria has never been more important now that America’s foreign policy is tying itself in morally questionable knots as it continues to support Saudi Arabia’s missile strikes on innocent civilians in Yemen while condemning Russian strikes on civilians in Syria.

“No, no, Russia very, very bad. America, land of New York, Disneyland, Coca Cola. America good,” head of Daily Telegraph’s oversimplification department Henry Witton shared with WWN.

While criticism of Russian involvement in Syria has amounted to accusations of war crimes, the questionable actions of American forces abroad has been cleared up by expert media testimony.

“America,” explained Witton while pointing to America on a map of the world, “gooder. Okay? But Russia, okay? Bad,” Witton concluded.

It is believed no thought has been given to civilians affected by America and Russia’s penis measuring contest, which seems to have no end in sight.