Trump Vows To Just Keep Trumpin’ Along


WHEN most other people would either call it a day or do some extensive PR work in a last-minute attempt to change the public’s perception of him, Republican presidential nominee Donald trump has pledged to ‘keep on Trumpin’ along’ right up until polling day.

“Look, you’re either on this train or you’re not,” said Trump at a rally yesterday, unrepentant about anything he has ever done in his life at any stage, ever.

“I got this far by doing what I do best; talking about how great Donald Trump is, while ridiculing anyone who disagrees, and dismissing any of my flaws as ‘just me being me’. Why in the hell, okay, why in the hell would I change that now, all of a sudden? I’m going to stick with what works”.

Trump’s campaign to be the next president of the United States hit yet another speed bump last week, when tapes emerged of him talking about groping women inappropriately. This was followed by accusations that he intentionally barged in on Miss Universe contestants while they were getting changed, as well as just a whole bunch of other horrible crap.

The 70-year-old dismissed any criticisms, emphatically stating that ‘people love him’.

“People love Donald Trump, so Donald Trump will not change,” said Trump, punching a young black child in the face to rapturous applause.

“I don’t want people to say they were tricked into voting for me, or that they weren’t aware of who I am and what I do. My faults, okay, and there are many, all out there, and thankfully huge numbers of voters are choosing to ignore it. So I’m gonna Trump till there ani’t no Trumpin’ left to be done”.