Study Confirms People Who Are Messy, Swear And Stay Up Late, Are ‘Lazy, Messy Bastards’


PEOPLE who tend to be untidy, stay up late and regularly use curse words may actually be ‘lazy, messy bastards’, new research has revealed this week.

Researchers from the Florida Gulf Coast University gave a classic test to a group of students, where they found that those who lived in clutter tended to be lazy, and that those who cursed a lot tended to be ‘bastards’.

“We were astonished to find that those who had all three character traits were lazy, messy bastards,” explained lead researcher Dr. Terence Trayman, “Not only that, but we also found that lazy, messy bastards liked to excuse their tendencies as a higher form of intelligence, and our study found that many of the subjects regularly shared articles claiming they’re special, or gifted somehow. Which is preposterous, to say the least”.

The findings of the study were described as “highly significant” in statistical terms, but many lazy, messy bastards have since disagreed with the University’s findings.

“I fucking curse all the fucking time and my house is like a pig sty,” pointed out one local man we spoke to this afternoon, “according to a test I did online once, my IQ is like 146. Every second day I share a Guardian newspaper article and I never get up before 10am. I suppose I’m a lazy, messy bastard too, huh? I play solitaire for Christ’s sake. This study is flawed and I won’t be sharing it on any of my social media feeds”.

The study concluded that 1 in every 5 people who think they’re smart are lazy, messy bastards .