WWN’s Horoscopes

Share:

 

aries

21 March – 20 April

You successfully convince your co-workers that you once played bass for The Four Of Us.

taurus

21 April – 21 May

You realise you may be too old for Kinder Surprises.  

gemini

May 21 – June 20

The trees are turning a lovely golden colour, unlike you in the sun.  

cancer

June 21 – July 22

You live in the hope that someday somebody will invents a 365-day Advent calendar.  

leo

July 23 – August 22

You had a great idea last night when you were drunk, but it’s gone now. Maybe it’ll come back to you if you drink more? Couldn’t hurt, right?

virgo

August 23 – September 22

Your social media strategy consists of 10 friends on Facebook and a Twitter profile with an egg as the pic.  

libra

September 23 – October 22

You’d vote for Trump. He seems gas.  

scorpio

October 23 – November 21

You pledge to stop ending meetings with senior management with the phrase’ later, fuckers’.  

sagittarius

November 22 – December 21

You go to the shops without asking anyone if they want anything.  

capricorn

December 22 – January 19

Whose blood is this?

aquarius

January 20 – February 18

Being single, you’re forced to find more creative ways to scratch the itch in the middle of your back.  

pisces

February 19 – March 20

Your Fitbit battery dies in the middle of the day. Quick, get the cakes while it’s not looking!  

Share:
X